Dark Days

It's hard to describe my emotional state when dark days are crowding around. Despite my best efforts of acknowledging all these feelings are just mental,

It doesn't change how sucky these feelings are.

And it doesn't change the powerlessness I feel being subject to those emotions.

It doesn't help that as an introvert, my natural inclination is to keep to myself.

Fortunately, my parallel desire to not disappoint others can help force me to keep the facade.

It can push me to maintain the smiling faces, even as my heart is crying. 

When Dark Days hit, it's harder to maintain the face,

All I want to do is curl in on myself and block out the world,

Of course blocking out people is selfish; it's an act of self-protection.

Yet, when the double swords of anxiety & panic attacks are knocking on your door,

Trying to keep "the world" happy is an overwhelming proposition.

In the midst of all the darkness,

All the tears

And all the fear,

I keep telling myself that it will get better.

I shouldn't give up.

That my will can be stronger than any of these negative imaginations.

But man, sometimes it's really hard to tell if getting better is a truth or a lie.