My San Francisco chapter is coming to an end; which also means my TAP journey is ending. I started this program in 2007. My original hope was that by the end, I'd know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Sure, I'm 32. Sure, I've already tried more careers than most people have in their lifetime. But still, I hoped that I'd have a better sense of a direction. I wasn't so lucky, as I described in the judgment call posting. Nonetheless, as the process of finding a new job is in its full throes, I'm coming upon another set of doors. And the anticipation is killing me!
I've been living on my own for the past year. Living in a corporate apartment in DC, living in a corporate apartment in London and San Francisco. Even when I lived in Compton in my condo, I was effectively living alone, given my 5am - 2pm work schedule. Now, I'm conflicted. I'm ready to be home. I miss my kitty, I miss my friends, I'm ready to have stability (at least for a little while). haha! But, in returning home it means that I will have to adjust to living with someone else again. Those clothes on the floor, perhaps not mine. That ant problem from the dishes in the sink? Regardless of the source, it needs to be cleaned up. If I'm ready to go out and party, I should ask Chris if he'd like to go as well. Ah-ha, the responsibility of living nicely with someone.
Beyond just living with someone, I've also come to grips with more of my emotions. The love that I blogged about previously--I desire for myself. I want to feel the magic of a kiss with someone special to me. And with my heart opening up, I know that somewhere out there, someone is meant just for me. Perhaps that love will be rekindled with someone I already know, maybe it will be someone new -- who knows! But, I am emotionally ready to be vulnerable in the world, just for the opportunity to be madly in love.
May the third time be the charm!
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