Happy Place (Found in London)

Today's song is Rihanna and Neyo. I hate how much I love u boy, I can't stand how much I need you. But I just can't let you know. You know exactly where to touch.

I found that happy place again, sitting in the sun. I walked for 30 minutes around my neighborhood. I went window shopping and envisioned things to buy for my house. Then, I envisioned buying a new house that is a neighborhood where every Sunday I could walk to the market. Where on Saturdays I could sit on my porch and watch people walk by. I wouldn't mind if at first the house is sparsely furnished. Part of the fun could be acquiring quirky stuff from my travels. Have spaces in my house that represent different aspects. Sophistication, practical, modern, 1800s, an expansive library with original works, books by the pound I'd want to read(!). I found the happy place speaking with two women from north of Newscastle, speaking about the fun weekend they are having in London. I appreciated the simplicity. And desired to feel that calm every day.

I could live in Mission Valley and get to know Sabrina better. I could live downtown and travel with Anya to art fairs. I could live at the beach and be a parking spot for friends to visit me. Yes, even living in Compton, where it is not an obvious place of culture -- it is an oasis from the daily grind. Heck, a 93 million dollar infrastructure development,maybe it could become!

The happy place I keep finding involved the sunshine. It involves love and comfort with myself and the world around me. With little care of the location. That place can be found repeatedly because the place lies in my heart. It appears when I open it up an let myself be vulnerable. It appears from being lonely. It appears from being part of a crowd, but not necessarily the in crowd. I find it in the eyes and joys of others. I am not sophisticated, I am plain. I am not elegant. Trying to shape me as such fails.

I desire greatly that freedom of relaxation. Not worrying about the simple things. I want to be that perfect image, but can't handle the effort to sustain it. So, I am frustrated that I cannot obtain it. Instead, I'm content to watch and observe the beauty that the world opens around me.