Drugs and Alcohol

I have a fascination with drug and alcohol addiction shows: Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab, Intervention, Drug Wars, and many other shows on MTV, VH1, and A&E. It goes beyond the idea that I am grateful that I am not any of these people, instead I think I'm just curious how I didn't end up as one of those people.


I grew up around people who abused drugs and/or alcohol. For some, alcohol had been a part of their daily lives for so long, it was the same as sipping water. These individuals did not see their drinking as excess or even unusual. For others, drugs were just a part of hanging out, enjoying themselves. It wasn't an "issue" in their eyes because it was just a part of partying. Others used drugs/alcohol as a stress reliever, a way to chill before work/school, after a particularly tough argument, or to relieve tension after a long day. 

So now, when I watch those shows it reminds me of what used to be "normal" in my life. Though it was normal, I didn't like it.  I didn't believe that was how people ought to behave day-in-and-day-out. Watching the behaviors friends and family members while they were under the influence scared me. It scared me because I didn't like their lack of self-control; I worried what they would do to themselves, others, or me; and I was frightened because the thought of letting go alongside of them was exciting. I wanted to let go with them, but was scared that once I  went down that path, I would not be able to control myself. And because I had been able to watch the withdrawals, the sickness, the hangovers -- I had had the conscious experience of understanding how drugs and alcohol could cause dire conseuqnces if used to deal with my issues.  I didn't do any binge drinking, have wild parties, or do drugs while in college. I had a lot of other things on my mind back then. 

In 2005, I had a new year's resolution to find out what drinking was all about. One year to be able to let go, drink to excess, take shots, mix drinks, try all different types of liquors, liquors, and wine. And by the end of that year, while I did have a blast, I realized that it wasn't for me. There were weekends when I was so incredibly hung over on Sunday, sunlight was painful. I recall a friend having to walk me around the block at 4 in the morning to sober me up. I was carried out of a dance club at 4am by a friend because it had closed, yet I wasn't ready to go home. In none of those cases was I violent or belligerent, but looking back it is embarrassing. It was also embarrassing that I couldn't always remember all of the details of the prior day. I certainly learned how easy it is to slip into that mode of escapism and had I not learned how to cope earlier in life in other ways, maybe drinking to excess more regularly would have been an option. 



Today, there's enough alcohol in my house to knock out a large elephant, yet it just sits there gathering dust. Seeing as Chris and I don't generally drink. Now, I don't mind having a drink with friends. I'll go to a karaoke bar in San Diego, have a few shots with my friends, and enjoy taking pictures of everyone singing. I'll go to a dance club and have a few drinks, but by the middle of the night, will be enjoying the glasses of water more than the alcohol as I tire from all of the grooving on the dance floor. Even while here in London, I'm having a good time hanging out at the pub with folks sipping on my "vodka and orange." Basically, alcohol and I have developed a positive relationship where neither of us abuses the other. And I'm happy that my friends don't have cause to turn me in to Intervention; though I am concerned I'm be outted for a Bad Fashion show. ;)