Awkwardly Shy

I am shy.

I know this statement is hard to believe for co-workers who see me reach out to countless departments to fulfill the goals of a project.
I know for friends who see me traveling to the ends of the world, it's hard to imagine.
I know that folks with whom I have traveled to Vegas for Leadership Conferences would have a difficulty envisioning me as a shy girl.

But the truth is: none of that is me.

That nonstop talker is just distracting you from learning anything about me.
That oo-ah, oo-ah party girl is really just enjoying the music; and being in a room full of people is an unfortunate consequence of liking loud music.
That traveler is just looking for one place in the world where she can feel calm and free.

Recently, friends reminisced about the shy girl they initially met.
They described that shy girl as being a mean-faced, stick in the mud.
They spoke of me mad dogging people at a house party.
When in reality, this shy girl who is really just intimidated by groups.
The shy girl wasn't thinking "I'm not sure if this group is worthy" instead, she is wondering, "are these nice people I can trust?"

In a world where we are creatures that are meant to be social, it's hard to be an introvert. For me, it would feel safer, easier to stay isolated from others. I'd tend to rather stay home and communicate with others electronically. But I can't.

So, despite feeling awkward, despite wanting to run around from the crowd, I continue to venture out.